Why Do You Say That About Yourself?

The Webster dictionary defines judgement as "an opinion that is based on careful thought".


Since opinion is subjective and entirely built on personal experience, and since judgement is defined as "opinion", it follows that judgement, too, is subjective and is not based on any level of fact. It is purely internal, with no proven substantiation at all. There is no organization to it, only reactive decisions made from a hidden place. Judgement, therefore, has no codification, and no comparison. And it comes from seemingly nowhere.


What is the hidden place that births the hatred of negative judgement? It is the subconscious mind, which is mired in quiet self-loathing arising out of ignored and unprocessed pain. When we judge another person, then, we are judging the unresolved pain within ourselves. Grievances against another are grievances against the self. The other has nothing to do with it.


For instance, if I judge someone to be “stupid,” the reality is that my belief in my own stupidity has been triggered by whatever behavior I have judged to be stupid. What does this mean? It means that I am not responding to another when I judge them to be stupid, or irritating, or rude, or narcissistic, or ugly, or fat, or hateful. I am responding to an unconscious (or conscious) belief in my own innate badness, the fear of which is triggered by the actions of the other. When I see a person behave in a way that I mistakenly believe represents my own ineptitude, my wound is triggered and I judge. This deeply embedded, long-denied belief in my own flawed nature will continue to be triggered until I look at it, once and for all, and integrate it with the truth of my innate love for myself.


The way out of negative judgment rests solely in learning to process pain in every moment, so that denied emotion no longer dictates our interactions and experiences, leading to unconscious, unloving choices: against others, yes, but mostly against ourselves. Rather than allowing our thinking to turn us toward judgement, we must learn to follow the map of that judgement back to our own unacknowledged pain, and take the opportunity to heal it. If I reject my inclination to judge another as stupid, for example, and choose instead to investigate my unconscious belief in my own stupidity, arising from feelings of shame and worthlessness, I can heal those misguided beliefs, simply by allowing them. By welcoming my pain freely in every moment, without limit, and without blame, it is healed. My fear of it disappears, and my reactions to others begin to come from a place of openness and love.


Judgement, then, becomes a vehicle for compassion and peace.